So, you’ve met a woman that you’ve completely fallen for. You’ve been dating for a while, and everything has been going well. She might even be “the one.”
The problem is, you’re not entirely sure you’re the only one in her life. You can’t place your finger on it exactly, but something leads you to believe she may be seeing other men.
You want clarity, but you’re unsure how to broach the subject. After all, things are going well, and you don’t want to mess up a good thing. But at the same time, not knowing what’s going on is driving you crazy.
Dating multiple people at once is a tricky subject to navigate. In an ideal world, both partners will communicate their ideas and expectations about dating other people. The problem is we don’t live in an ideal world.
More often than not, people dance around the issue because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings (or damage the relationship’s potential). This leads to one or both people playing the guessing game.
If this sounds like your current situation, understand you are not alone. And as difficult as it can be to navigate this situation, you can gain clarity — if you know what to look for.
Today, I’ll give you a framework you can use to gauge whether or not the woman you’re dating has multiple partners and how to approach things if she does. Signs That The Woman You’re Seeing Has Multiple Partners
1. Unless You’re Told Otherwise, Assume She Is
In today’s dating climate, you should always assume that the woman you’re dating is also seeing other men. Unless she comes out and explicitly tells you that the two of you are exclusive, you’re probably not.
Of course, this isn’t 100% certain, but in today’s world, where online dating makes it easier than ever before to meet people, you should always assume this is the case.
Understand that couples seldom become exclusive off the bat. Nine times out of ten, one or both people will date around before settling on their chosen person.
So, even if you’re really into the woman you’re seeing and everything seems to be going great, that’s fine. But just remember that nothing is official until it’s official.
2. Other People Call You The Wrong Name — Or Think They’ve Met You Before
If she brings you around to meet a group of friends or family, and those people call you the wrong name or think they’ve met you before, it could be a sign that she’s dating other guys.
Don’t assume that these friends or family members are misremembering. It’s far more likely that they were introduced to another man recently.
And if you want to gauge whether she’s being honest with you, press her on the issue. Ask her about it and see what she says. If she tries to dodge the issue or acts unnatural, it’s probably because she’s dishonest.
3. She Avoids Introducing You To Friends Or Family Members
Oppositely, she may avoid bringing you around to meet her friends or family. For this one, look at the context of the situation to see if something seems odd to you.
If she has to attend a wedding and tells you she’ll go alone, that’s odd behavior. Why? Because no one likes to attend a wedding alone. And chances are, she’s not.
It’s far more likely that she’s just going with someone else.
If you’ve been dating for several months and have not met anyone from her social circle, that’s just not natural. If she often tells you she can’t meet because she’s going out with her friends but doesn’t invite you to come, that’s also odd.
Chances are, she’s bringing another man to these gatherings. And rather than letting her friends or family know she’s dating multiple men, keeping you on the back burner is easier.
4. She’s Had An Unreasonable Amount Of Partners
Does the woman you’re dating talk about more exes than you can count? If so, it could indicate a pattern of behavior.
Just because a woman has many exes doesn’t inherently mean that there’s something wrong, but the time frame matters. If you get the sense that she’s dated ten different guys in the last three months, there’s a very good chance she was dating them simultaneously.
And there’s also a good chance that’s the same thing happening with you. Chances are, you have much in common with the men who came before you.
So, always be mindful of the patterns that are right in front of you.
5. She Shies Away From You And Isn’t As Affectionate As You Are
Do you feel like you’re the one who’s always being affectionate, but she isn’t doing the same? Sure, you may be intimate with this woman, and everything could be great in the bedroom, but what about other acts of affection?
Does she allow you to wrap your arm around her while walking together? Can you hold her hand? Hug her? Kiss her in public?
Sure, some people aren’t into public displays of affection, but it can also be a sign. These “loving” affections are sometimes more significant than sex. And if she shies away from your affection, ask yourself why.
There’s a strong possibility she’s seeing other men and doesn’t want to lead you on any more than she already is.
Remember that men and women approach dating and relationships in very different ways. You’ll seldom see a man stay with a woman after losing interest, but women do this often.
If you think she’s lost interest in you but doesn’t have the heart to tell you, read the signs and don’t let things last any longer than they need to.
6. She Craves Sex Less Than You Do
Oppositely, it might not be the public displays of affection that are the problem, but your sex life. If she approaches intimacy with a take-it-or-leave-it attitude, again, ask yourself why.
Of course, it’s perfectly normal for people to not be in the mood sometimes. What you have to look at is the underlying pattern. If your relationship started with a great sex life, but that drive suddenly faded, there’s a reason for that.
If she tells you she enjoys sex and that she enjoys having it with you, but the two of you inexplicably go long periods without sleeping together, it could be a sign that there’s someone else in the picture.
Again, nothing is certain. But if something feels off, it’s probably because it is. It could be a sign if you’re a generally rational man who doesn’t have underlying trust issues, but something is telling you not to trust this woman.
7. She Tells You She’s Busy — But Doesn’t Tell You Why
Does it seem like you can never get a straight answer from her? Does she give you ambiguous answers about what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with?
If so, it indicates that she’s seeing other men. Also, look at how often you meet up with her. If it’s every couple of weeks or once a month, that’s probably because she’s seeing other guys when she’s not with you.
Does she only meet you during the week and always have a full calendar on Fridays and the weekends that doesn’t include you?
Again, look at the underlying patterns. If they seem strange, it’s probably because something’s up.
If you’re really into her and want nothing more than to spend time with her, but she seems unwilling or unable to do the same for you, it’s a sign that something is off.
8. She Takes An Excessive Time To Respond To Your Messages
Most people are glued to their phones between six in the evening and midnight. They unwind from work with a glass of wine, Netflix, and their social media feeds.
If you text this woman without a hitch all day, but then she suddenly goes MIA during the evenings, that’s almost certainly a sign that she’s with another man.
She’s not texting you back because she can’t text you back. Again, look for things that seem odd. If she tells you she’s going to the gym after work, that’s fine, but if she doesn’t respond to your messages until noon the next day, it may be because she was with another man.
9. She Only Meets You At Odd Times
It’s nine o’clock on a Friday night, and she suddenly hits you up to go out. And this happens after she told you she already had other plans.
While you told her that you would also make other plans, that wasn’t entirely true. Your “plans” entailed ordering a pizza and playing Call of Duty.
You want to say ‘no,’ but you are also sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, so you can’t resist.
If a woman likes you, she’ll make you her first priority, not the fallback guy. If the woman you’re seeing asks you to meet at odd hours or with little notice, she’s using you as a backup.
Now, some guys are okay with this, but if you’re not, you need to say so. You should not suffer in silence and play the guessing game.
10. She Still Has Active Dating Profiles
Whether you met this woman online or not, if you find that she has an active dating profile, you can be almost certain that she’s using it.
Don’t let her sell you on the “I didn’t have a chance to delete it yet” or “I forgot I had it.” Having a dating profile as a woman means dealing with a constant barrage of messages. It’s almost impossible to ignore.
And if the woman you’re seeing has an active dating profile, she’s not ignoring it, either.
11. She Gets (And Seeks) A Lot Of Attention On Social Media
While an active social media presence isn’t necessarily a sign of something wrong, keep an eye out for odd activity — especially from other men.
If you see comments like, “I can’t wait to see you again,” or “We had such a great time,” from men, and you have no idea who these guys are, there’s a good chance she’s dating them.
Just look for anything that seems odd or out of place. If your instincts tell you something doesn’t feel right, then something is wrong. Don’t turn a blind eye to it.
What Do I Do If The Woman You’re Dating Has Multiple Partners?
Well, for one, you could just talk to her about it. And if you haven’t done this already, it’s probably because you’re scared of the consequences.
You may fear that if you talk to her about it, she’ll tell you that she is, in fact, seeing other men and isn’t interested in seeing you anymore. Or that she’ll just cut you off completely.
And this leads us to the true problem…
In any relationship, no matter how casual or serious, a certain power dynamic develops. And the person who is more confident, grounded, and self-assured is the one who has the upper hand.
And in instances like these, that person is not you. If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you are not dating other women, even though you suspect your partner is.
I’m also going to assume that deep down, you know exactly what’s going on with your current relationship. The problem is that you’re having a hard time accepting the truth.
The question is, why are you putting yourself in this position?
Why are you allowing yourself to be subjected to this treatment? Why are you allowing this woman to essentially “play you”? Why are you allowing yourself to be treated in a way that feels disrespectful?
Is this what an alpha male would do?
Certainly not. An alpha is the type of man who doesn’t chase women but has women chase after him.
Just imagine how great it would feel to be the type of man who could have his choice of high-quality women instead of being at the mercy of situations like these.
In other words, there are several things you could do to remedy this situation, but the first thing you should do is…
1. Raise your value in the dating economy
Let’s just face the facts for a moment and be brutally honest: You’re at the mercy of this woman you’re dating. She has you wrapped around her finger, and she knows it.
Because if she truly valued you for the man you are, she would never let an opportunity to be with you pass her by. There’s no point in playing the field when you have the home run sitting right in front of you.
But that’s the thing: she doesn’t see you that way. And that may be your fault. Are you doing everything you can to show her your value as a man? Is it abundantly apparent how great of a catch you are?
Become the type of man that women would line up to date. Be the type of man who can give women experiences unlike any other. Be a grounded, cultured man who takes risks and gets what he wants in life.
Invest in yourself so no woman can deny your obvious value. Prioritize your physical fitness, expand your mind, embrace new experiences, and be a fun person to be around.
When you put your power on full display, women will take notice.
2. Talk to her about it and have an honest conversation
Or, if you’re really interested in this woman and genuinely think your relationship has the potential to be something special, discuss the issue.
Tell her what you think is going on and explain that you’re uncomfortable with it. Tell her that you value the connection the two of you have and want to see it grow into something more.
If she doesn’t feel the same, yes, that will hurt a lot, but at least you won’t have to spend your days guessing. Remember, sometimes, the fear of pain (especially emotional pain) can be worse than the pain itself.
The first step to resolving the issue is getting it out there in the open so you can discuss it.
3. Consider your options
If you’re aware that the woman you’re dating is also seeing other people, it might be worth thinking about exploring other relationships yourself.
This suggestion isn’t for everyone. If it doesn’t align with your values or comfort level, that’s completely okay. However, it’s important to reflect on the dynamics of your current situation.
She’s keeping her options open, which raises the question: should you do the same? It’s natural to have strong feelings for her and to hope for a more committed relationship in the future. But, if you’re not at that stage yet, it might not be wise to fully commit yourself to someone who isn’t making you their priority.
Instead of focusing solely on this relationship, consider the possibility of meeting other people. This approach can provide a more balanced perspective and prevent you from feeling overly invested in a situation where your needs might not be fully met.
4. Stop wasting your time and prioritize self-respect
If you’re fed up with the situation and can’t take it any longer, end it. Tell her you no longer feel comfortable with the relationship and move on.
Many people forget that they are responsible for how others treat them.
If you’re being treated in a way that makes you feel undervalued, it’s because you allow it to happen.
So, don’t allow it to happen any longer. Make the hard choice and end the relationship.
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